How To Protect Children From A Custody Battle During A Divorce

Protecting your children during divorce starts from the very moment that you decide that you’re ready to file for divorce or you’ve received papers and your spouse has filed for divorce. And that can be both in decisions that you make about the living arrangements while the divorce is pending, how and when the children are going to be told about the divorce, and how you and your spouse are going to co-parent during divorce even when your relationship is extremely strained.

The first step in minimizing conflict during divorce for the benefit of your kids, is to stay very conscious of the fact that everything you do and everything you say is likely to be observed by your kids. They also will pick up on your emotions, so if you are particularly angry, or depressed, or anxious, your kids will take their cues from you. I always recommend that clients take the high road during divorce. You and your spouse are the grown-ups. You shouldn’t be confiding in your kids or using them as confidants. You shouldn’t be talking negatively about their other parent, that hurts kids when you talk negatively about their other parent. They feel that that reflects on them. When you’re in heat of a divorce battle, it’s helpful to remember that kindness is a tool in your arsenal, and if you extend kindness to the other parent, you set a good example for your kids and you also may be able to set a trend for more productive co-parenting and better communications while the divorce is pending.

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