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How To Tell Your Children You Are Getting Divorced: 5 Tips
Kathryn J. Murphy shares her top five tips on how to talk to your children about your divorce.
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Specialty tag(s): Divorce
Curtis W. Harrison | July 21, 2014
The simple truth is that when a person is placed under extraordinary stress the universal human instinct for survival frequently tends to temporarily override rationality, common decency, and even parental wisdom.
Virtually everyone who has faced the prospect of a separation or divorce has felt the extraordinary pressures that it causes. Most of the pressure is routed in fear: Fear the unknown; fear of the lack of perceived control; and fear of the decisions the other spouse will make during the divorce.
These fears drive some divorcing couples to make terrible mistakes that will haunt them and their children for years to come. Some of the mistakes are made long before either spouse consults with a divorce attorney.
After practicing Family Law for over 20 years both in and out of the courtroom, I have noted three fundamental mistakes that divorcing couples make more frequently than any other. Of course, there are plenty of others, but these seem to be the most frequently made mistakes and the ones most likely to leave lasting scars:
All of these examples, and countless others, place the children squarely on the chess board of the divorce. The parents — whether they realize it or not — have made their own children the pawns in the chess match. Don’t make this mistake.
The problem is that hiring a hyper-aggressive lawyer is usually a self-defeating proposition. While it is true that some cases truly require court intervention, most do not. In fact, approximately 90 to 95% of all divorce cases ultimately settle out of court. That’s right. Only 5 – 10% of all contested family law cases proceed to a judge or jury for final trial.
So, Why do people in this day still seek out Rambo lawyers? Again, fear is often a prime motivator. Fear, when mixed with grief and anger, constitutes a cocktail of negative emotions can be overpowering. These emotions often drive otherwise rational people to make decisions that are not in their own best interests, much less in the best interest of their family.
Ironically, folks who seek out the Rambos typically do so either to (i) make sure they get their “fair share”; or to (ii) get their pound of flesh. The irony is that they will pay a $25,000 initial retainer to Rambo to fight for a larger piece of a shrinking pie instead of looking for ways to work cooperatively with the other side to minimize conflict and costs.
As for getting the pound of flesh, nothing is free: Every pound of flesh you acquire will cost you something. That something could be your children’s emotional well-being, or bitterness in your own heart that reduces your quality of life for years to come. It’s like taking a dose of poison every day and hoping the other person will die from it. Don’t make this mistake.
Our attorneys are experienced in all aspects of family law and will guide you through each step of the process, ensuring you have the information you need to make wise decisions and prepare for the future.
At Goranson Bain Ausley, we strive to deliver clarity about what comes next and confidence that you and your family’s future are more secure. Contact our team and discover how we can help you.
How To Tell Your Children You Are Getting Divorced: 5 Tips
Kathryn J. Murphy shares her top five tips on how to talk to your children about your divorce.
Get Started Online
Save time and costs. Before your consultation, use our confidential online questionnaire to receive a personalized information pack in minutes.
Schedule a Consultation
Schedule an in-person or remote consultation with one of our experienced family lawyers by calling us or filling out the “contact us” form.